Practice?

I think Tony is getting a little excited. :) The pictures below were too cute not to post.

Merry Christmas!

This isn't Baby Z related, but I wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas! This is really cute and funny, check it out:

http://www.youtube.com/greeting_view?s=WfjtOe7tUCI&p=2862B4D46C3F8E75

Glucose results

I meant to update last night, but by the time we ran errands and got home it was almost 10, and I was barely standing. I passed my glucose test, yay! I'm actually amazed that I did. Tony is happy because this means I will make cookies. Granted I'm only getting them made because he and helping me and my friend Angela is coming to do a whole cookie day thing together, but it means they'll be made!

Today's appointment

Other than taking forever, today's appointment went fine. I had been told I'd drink my glucose stuff, have my appointment during my hour wait, get my blood drawn, and be done. Nope. Drank my stuff, sat an hour, had my blood draw, sat another hour. At least the appointment itself didn't take long. I'll get my glucose results tomorrow. Everything else is looking fine and I'm good until January. I do have some aches and pains now, but I'm told all are normal (her on a nerve, swelling causing the carpel tunnel stuff in my hands) so that's all that matters.

Everything looked good at the asthma doc, too, so I'm good to go there. Just a long day of appointments and work.

Nursery pics

We have the majority of the nursery together, so we got some shots to put up. We still have to hang things and have things to get for it, but this is it so far:

Pictures/videos

I've had problems getting Blogger and Dropshots to work like I want them to, and I'm giving up, at least for now. All the pics and videos are up on Dropshots, so check out the site below and that should work. I'm posting it in two formats in case there is a problem using one of them (both work for me but not for everyone).


http://www.dropshots.com/sherizu99

http://www.dropshots.com/sherizu99#

OB visit

Went well. I will probably have another u/s at about 37 weeks to determine weight and length of the baby. She said with our height differences, they will probably do it, to make sure I can carry her without problems. She won't let me go long past my due date at all, so that's good to know. We also found out that if she is breeched, they will just do c-section. They don't mess with trying to turn the baby because the umbilical cord is too unpredictable, and it's not worth risking making things worse. She passed everything in the u/s wonderfully, everything looks great. My placenta has moved to the back, so if we need a c-section it's not in the way, and it's not in the way of the cervix at all. I still can't believe my body is doing so much the way it is supposed to!

I will have my glucose test at my next appointment on Dec. 13th. I go there about 9, drink the junk, have my appointment during the hour wait (it'll be with either the OB, the PA, or the new PA I don't really know), then the draw. I like that, because I'm not left to stew for an hour, and I take care of both at once. Then I'll have only one more monthly appointment before having them more often. Only variable is if the glucose test goes badly, but we'll just wait and see how it goes.

Registered

Or so I think. I'm sure it'll change, but the big things that we really need/want (travel system, bouncer, pack and play, nursery themed stuff, all of that) shouldn't. Thought I'd post it here since I've had a few people ask me to let them know when I was registered. We're at Target, Babies R Us, and Kids Stuff Superstore. All are also online, and here are the sites. Just look for us by either my name or Anthony, I think both should work:

Target: http://www.target.com/b/602-1604131-9255860?ie=UTF8&node=306498011

Babies R Us: http://www.toysrus.com/registry/index.jsp

Kids Stuff Superstore: http://hosting.giftregistryworks.com/grworks/grws

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE get a gift receipt if you get something, especially if it's from Target. Babies R Us and Kids Stuff will both do in store credit for registry items, but Target's return policy is horrible. If it's a gift and we have no receipt, we can only do 2 returns a YEAR. At ANY Target store. So in case we get multiples or something else happens, please make sure and include a gift receipt. We will both be very grateful!

Also if anyone reading this is interested in anything I'd like for Christmas, just hit the registry. :)

I have been working on getting pics and videos loaded, but I'm having issues (my links above probably won't work either so you'll probably have to cut and paste them into your web browser). I'm just way too tired tonight to work on it anymore, seeing as I've resorted to begging with the computer. Yeah, time to relax.

Ultrasound results

All is well! Measuring at 22w2d, and everything is developing at the same rate. It's about 2 days off of their chart for me, which is great, because they allow up to 2 weeks. We saw the heart (all 4 chambers), stomach, eyes, umbilical cord, ribs, face, and bones. Legs, feet, hands, all there. :) Weighing 1 lbs., 2 oz. It was really cool to watch a kick and feel it at the same time! Oh and did I mention that we're having a girl? :) Took some prodding (she's stubborn, but we already knew that), but our tech was able to point out the labia. Said no sign of outdoor plumbing. :) She is 98% sure it's a girl, and has not been wrong in 7 years!

I do have pictures and videos again, but I am really tired tonight so it'll probably be tomorrow before any get put up.

I keep slacking in my updates....

But I guess that means nothing is really going on, so it's not all bad. We've just been busy with Tony getting going in his new job, trying to get some things done around here, and organizing, well, everything. Our crib was delivered on Friday. We opened up the box today and went through it all, but it won't be put together until the room is painted, and that won't happen until after Wednesday's appointment. Once we know the gender or at least know that we won't be finding out, we'll settle on the nursery design and get the color for the wall picked. Next weekend I hope to get most of the registering done, but with Tony's last weekend at VM, we'll just have to see what we can get done. I will post where we're registered once we're done. Until then it'll all be changed a lot, so better to wait until we're done. We got the future nursery cleaned out so it's ready to go. I still have a ton on my list to do, and I'd like to get a little more plus some playtime in today, so I'm off. Oh and I'm 22 weeks today, in case anyone is counting. :)

Another appointment down

Not a lot to report. All is well. Measuring fine, blood pressure fine, weight is according to schedule. Got my flu shot, too, while I was there. We set up our ultrasound appointment (the more fun one) for November 7th. I'm excited. Yes, if anyone doesn't already know, we're finding out the sex. :) At least if Baby Z will cooperate! Soon we'll know he or she! I'm very excited. I'll be 22 weeks then. He does it then instead of 20 weeks because kidney function is easier to evaluate. Whatever. :)

Oh interesting little factoid. My OB delivered Larry the Cable Guy's baby. We saw the picture in the hall when we were waiting for the nurse. I knew his baby was delivered at the hospital I'll be at, but didn't realize it was the same OB. :)

Quick update

We have daycare! We both really liked the in-home person that my coworker highly recommended, so we dropped our deposit off to her the next day. She's less than 5 minutes from my work, which I really like. And her thoughts were a lot like my own. So one huge thing down. I'm 19 weeks now, and feeling more movement. Not actual kicks, but the tickling is getting stronger. I'm excited for when it's strong enough for Tony to feel from the outside. We see my OB on the 18th (the same day Tony has his boards, so wish him luck) and we'll get the big ultrasound scheduled then.

We've been really busy with non-baby stuff lately. I'm looking forward to getting back to baby stuff! We'll be buying or ordering the crib by the end of the month (depending on if they have it in stock or not) and register shortly after we have our ultrasound. Let the fun begin!

One more visit....

Hopefully my next one won't be until the 18th, when my monthly appointment is scheduled. I had some different feelings last night and this morning, so I called, told the nurse I was worried and what was going on and asked if we could do the ultrasound my OB had mentioned the day before just to check my cervix. I've known a few women who have had that problem, and if it is one, I want to know while something can still be done. She talked to the doc, and they got me in this afternoon. Everything is perfectly fine. My cervix is still shut and long as ever. My placenta is even starting to move away from the cervix, so that eliminates the problems from before (bleeding and the possibility of a needed c-section from the placenta being in the way), as long as it keeps moving. We'll have our next ultrasound in week 22. I'm not sure why my OB waits so long, but that's what I'm told. The tech tried to figure out the sex today, but Baby Z was not being cooperative. Not only was BZ all curled up, but also had legs crossed! Hopefully he or she will cooperate more at the next one. I did get a new picture though! You can even start to make out a nose and face. :)

Impromtu doc visit

I do love my OB's office. I was having some weird feelings since yesterday, like my uterus was getting hard and just staying that way. It would happen for an hour, with some other pains at times, but not much. Called and talked to a nurse and she said it was normal. Today it was happening again, and decided to call back to see how often was normal. This nurse thought it sounded odd and had me go see the doc today. Even though it was a last minute appointment, my doctor did not rush me at all. Doppler was good (heart beat at 152) and I'm measuring at 17 weeks. After talking and an exam, the doc believes it could be a couple things. One is spasming so he's having me take bentyl (which is my IBS med anyway) for a few days to see if that helps. They are also checking for a urine infection. If it doesn't get better, we may do an ultrasound to check on my cervix. He isn't worried about that, though, because when it was checked 2 weeks ago I measured at 6cm, and 3cm is normal, so my cervix is doing great. He also told me preterm labor at this point is very, very rare. I'm to call tomorrow to find out the results from the lab, and to call Friday to give them an update as to how I'm doing. He is fine with me going to KC this weekend (which also tells me things must be fine). I did ask him what to do if something happens when I'm there, and conveniently, it's where he did his residency. So I'm to call his house and he'll get me in touch with someone at the hospital, or worst case he has a couple kids down there who have had kids there and they can help find a doctor. Either way, I'm covered. He did not find anything in the exam to indicate a problem, and said that since it's constantly hard for an hour it's not a contraction, because that would let up after a few minutes. He said it could be stretching, also, because I'm getting into a big growing month. Even told me a story about his first kid and how they thought his wife was going into labor due to the pains, but it ended up being round ligament pain. At least now I know what to look forward to! I don't care, as long as the doctor tells me it's normal.

He did go over my quad screen with me a bit. All of my numbers are good. I don't remember the exact numbers, but I was well past the lab's cutoffs for being at risk.

Week 17

So far so good. According to one site I was looking at, I'm in my 5th month now. Wow. Another book said I've got another week to go. Either way, it's hard to believe. I learned this morning that I need to eat or at least have OJ before going to work. Got way too woozy talking to a coworker this morning and even had to lie down in my cube for a few minutes! But a box of Hi-C and a couple minutes later and I was okay. Not liking the feeling of blacking out and the hot and dizzy stuff that comes with it. If it continues I'll call in, but when I ate it was better, so I'm guessing it's my blood sugar just not being happy. I got used to eating more first thing when I got up when I was off work for a bit there!

We have decided on our crib!

http://www.babysdream.com/Products/Infinity/Default.htm

We are going with the chestnut finish, not ebony, and you can see that if you choose the stationary crib in the menu below the picture. The fold down model is really nice because it lets someone short, like me, have better access to the baby. They have one in stock, so we might get it soon, otherwise it takes 6-12 weeks to come in. At least we have one picked out now.

Quad screen

It was fine, came back negative. We'll talk about it with the OB at the next visit in October more to see what the actual probabilities are, but since they told me it was fine I'm guessing they were pretty high. We did a lot of baby shopping this weekend and got a lot of stuff picked out. We're not registering quite yet, but since this part is done it should go much faster when we do. We will probably have to order a crib soon, because they can take 12 weeks to get here. We're close to picking one out and hope to soon, just need the time to keep working on it.

Wednesday's u/s and Thursday's appointment

The u/s would have been better had it not been the worst day of my stomach flu. Trying to keep in me (once I finally got it in) all the water was not fun, but something I am, sadly, proud of. It's been a rough week! But the u/s went well. We did learn that my placenta is right up against my cervix, which can cause bleeding. It should grow away from my cervix as my uterus grows. If it does not and grows over my cervix instead, then we have to do a c-section. We'll know more about that at my next u/s in... a month or two? Just over a month I think. Wow. :) I did get a couple of pictures and those are below.

Everything was fine at my appointment, too. At least I wasn't told anything was wrong. My blood pressure was up a little, but not bad at all and the doctor didn't even mention it. I'm not going to worry or even really ask about it (the nurse did tell me it was fine) unless it's consistent or happens again. I'd had it taken a week prior at the asthma doc and it was normal. Speaking of which, my asthma doc has me doing my peak flow meter twice a day for two weeks, so we can get a good base number. That way when I'm short of breath later in pg we can determine if it's from the baby or my asthma. Back to the OB. I did go to the lab and have my blood drawn for my quad screen test. It gives you an idea of risks of certain birth defects and problems, like Down's syndrome. Here is a link that can explain it better than I can:

http://www.webmd.com/baby/guide/quad-marker-screen




I should get the results next week sometime. Tony's graduation is tomorrow so I'm off to rest!

Week 15

I learned this past week that its time to get moving on finding a daycare. The one recommended to me that I was already thinking of has a wait. Until January 2009. They have my name to call if a spot opens up, and it's on my list of ones to check out, but wow. So I'm now on a mission to find daycare. I printed off the list from the state site of licensed daycares, and I'm going to go through that today. I also have a couple coworkers getting names and numbers for me. If I fall in love with one with a wait, like a bigger center, then I'll get on the list and find one that I feel I can trust and like enough (like an in home maybe) until that opens up. I'd like a bigger, more structured center once Baby Z is older and ready for more interaction with other kiddos. At least that's my thought right now. My goal this afternoon is to get through my list, find ones to check out, run them with the list on the state site of those with disciplinary action, and start calling. I have 3 days off after graduation, so we can drop in on a few then (plus our day of baby "shopping" up in Omaha), and hopefully get a deposit down somewhere if needed so we're covered. If anyone in Lincoln has any referrals, please let me know. I'd prefer close to home or work, but at this point I'm considering anyone with an infant opening in the May time frame.

Otherwise this week I did end up seeing the OB. I had a little bleeding the other night, but nothing that actually freaked me out and no cramping or anything. Very very minimal. The OB did have me in and did a culture and he believes it was an infection. I think so, too, considering the heartbeat was good that day (151) and after the treatment he gave me, I feel much better. Just to be safe he is having me come in for an ultrasound on Wednesday morning. Don't count on any pictures on this one, because he's just checking for any tears. I have had no bleeding since then, and no cramping or any signs of anything wrong, so I'm actually doing really well at not worrying about it. Especially since I have the daycare thing to occupy me, plus getting ready for this week. It'll be crazy, we've got my ultrasound appointment, my monthly OB appointment, dog training, a party with Tony's coworkers, Tony's pinning, getting the truck in, and everything to get ready for the graduation Saturday. I have one night this week with nothing after work scheduled. It's pretty much all fun stuff, but dang, I will be glad when the week is over. I have a feeling it's going to fly by!

Picked a hospital

We've now toured both hospitals in town that do deliveries and have decided to go with St. Elizabeth's. It's way across town (have to pass both other hospitals in order to get there, I always have to laugh at that part), but they have the best facilities and I was really impressed with the security they have, too. They also have the best NICU, so if, god forbid, we need it, it's there. Another plus, it's where Tony will be working! He has taken a position on the oncology/medical floor. At least I know if I go into labor and he's at work, he can meet me in the lobby.

If anyone is interested, here's a link to the hospital's website. You can take a peek at some of the birthing facilities if you click on "Services" on top, then "Women's Services" on the left:

http://www.saintelizabethonline.com/

On to Week 14

Yay! Week 14 is here. I'm feeling less exhausted, just have to get to bed at a good time every night. I'm hoping the nausea eases a bit more soon, and it really needs to freeze. The headaches are getting old, but I know a lot of that is the time of year and allergies. I love fall, it's the only bad part. We did sell the car today, but I tell you what, I shouldn't try to sell a car when I'm pregnant. :) But it's done. Just a few loose ends to tie up tomorrow. As for pg stuff, I have a progesterone draw on Thursday morning. Hopefully it will be good and my last one. I've been off of the prometrium since Friday. Last draw was 37.7 and that's higher than it was when I was on the shots way back when, so I'm not worried about this. Alright, it has been a very long, busy day, so I'm off to finally relax!

Car for sale!

I know this isn't baby related, but I'll take all the free advertising I can get. If you or anyone you know is looking for a good, inexpensive car, let me know. All we have had to do in 2 years is replace a taillight, new brakes (2005) and new tires (those are 3/07 so they're great yet). Here's the stats:

1992 Nissan Sentra XE, Front wheel drive, 112,300 miles, asking $1800.





As far as baby, things are going well. I'm hoping to start updating weekly, but that may be spotty this month. It's an exciting month!

13 weeks

I'm 13 weeks as of yesterday. Depending on where I look, the 2nd trimester starts with the 13th or 14th week. So I'm calling it 2nd trimester on Wednesday and splitting the difference.

I'm starting to feel better. I tend to have more energy and less nausea. Some days I'm still not great, but usually that's due more to overdoing it the day before. One of these days I'll learn. :) I've been having growing pains, which is good. :) My progesterone went up last week, so it's been reduced to once a day for a week, then none for a week, then we'll test again.

This weekend has been good. Been busy getting ready for graduation, doing a lot around the house, and did a little maternity clothes shopping today, which was fun. Been very productive.

Today's appointment

Today's appointment went well. The doppler managed to pick up the heart beat, and it was at 163bpm. :) Had a fun little exam (at least the guy is quick!) and a question and answer session. Everything looks good at this point. I'm set up to go back in next month. We're keeping me on the progesterone supplements until we make sure it rises plenty, so I have another draw on that next week. I'll call then to find out the results from the cultures he did today, too. Soon we'll start checking out the hospitals to decide which one to have Baby Z at. Tony graduates 30 days from today. If anyone wants to get him a gift and needs ideas, let me know!

Sheri

Pics AND videos!

It has taken me forever, since I haven't gotten to the library. But, since these are on cd, I've gotten them, AND videos, uploaded. :)


Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Share Photos - Free Video Hosting

This one is the 4D pic. So far, as the tech put it, looks like a peanut in a cave. :)


Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Share Photos - Free Video Hosting

You'll be able to see little Baby Z wiggling away:


Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Share Photos - Free Video Hosting

The little flicker in the middle is Baby Z's heart:


Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Share Photos - Free Video Hosting

A different view:


Photo Sharing - Video Sharing - Share Photos - Free Video Hosting

We have a wiggler!

First, sorry for the break. I forgot I said anything about the progesterone draw until Tony pointed it out last night. That was okay, just keeping me on supplements and another one tomorrow. I probably won't report on those unless something comes up, they're not exciting.

Today was though! We had our ultrasound today, and wow, does Baby Z like to shake it! We got 4 new pictures, and a cd that so far I'm having issues with getting it to run, but it's got clips of the little one wiggling. We saw the head, body, arm and leg buds, the heart, the spinal column, umbilical cord, yolk sac, and she showed us where the placenta is forming. No sign of bleeding, and my cervix was nice and long, so at this point probably no cerclage. I'll see what all the doc says on the 23rd to verify. Measured at 9 weeks today, one inch long, which put the due date at March 12. So I've got March 8th, March 17th, and March 12th. I'm just saying the first half of March is my due date. Like the kid will come on a certain day anyway! Heart beat was at 187 today. Didn't get to hear it, but wow, just seeing it was wonderful. Everything is looking good so far. :)

Once I get a chance, pics will be up. I'm tired now and off to read!

Sheri

Not much to report

Not a lot going on. I believe I'm 8 weeks 1 day now. I'll get measurements and a set due date (well as far as the doctor's concerned, figure the kid will be here in March sometime hopefully) on August 8th.

I don't have much going on until Thursday, and that's just a blood draw. We're reducing my progesterone I'm taking, so my OB is checking my progesterone levels to make sure it stays high enough. I am off the shots and can sit in my dining room chairs now!!! Yay!!!!! Otherwise it's just going through the motions and praying the little one is hanging on and growing, and counting down the days until the 8th. :)

Sheri

First OB visit

I didn't expect it to take 2 hours, but it did. I'm VERY happy with my OB and the office. I've been going there for years, and with what I learned today about how they handle pregnancy, I'm even more pleased. I learned that my OB is one out of 40 doctors chosen to be an officer on the board for the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology, out of all the OBs in the US. He also has a computer program that lets him access the hospital, so that when we go in for labor, he can watch from home/office and if something doesn't look right with a contraction or anything, he can basically message the nurse at the hospital and make sure they have checked on me. All OBs in Lincoln have this capability, mine is the only one to use it. I was also told today that when they refer to the end of the first trimester being a safer zone, they are talking about the heart beat. Since ultrasounds are done sooner now, once the heart beat is seen/heard, I should be in the clear. So I don't have to wait until the end of the first tri to breathe that relief. My due date, to her calculations (I saw the PA today actually) is March 17th, but when I go back in 2 weeks for an ultrasound, we'll get the actual due date. So I'm just calling it March. The u/s in 2 weeks will give much better measurements, they can check out everything else in there, too, and we'll be able to see arm buds, leg buds, and movement. It's set up for August 8th. They will also determine then if my cervix is long enough that they don't think I'll need a stitch (helps in cases of a weak cervix) or if they think I do. If so, then they'll do that in early October, instead of waiting for something to happen. In November we'll have the "tell all" u/s, and get a 20 minute dvd, too. :) I also learned that if we do an amnio much later on, they will send me to UNMC for that. They prefer to send patients to a doctor who does 20 a day than in their office where they don't do them often. In the 3 years they have been sending to them, they've had no miscarriages result from it. But that is all a decision for another time.

One last thing. I was told that, especially for all of their infertility patients, once we're past week 10, we can go in once a week, at no charge, to have them find the heart beat for me as a reassurance. I like that thought. They're used to us being scared. :)

Oh and I had lots of blood drawn. I call tomorrow to see about my progesterone, to see if we need to adjust my hormone weaning schedule further.

Alright. Those are the highlights. Probably more than you wanted to read, but hey, maybe you learned something. :)

Sheri

Pictures!

Thank you, Angela, for getting these fixed up for me!!! You rock!

These are from July 23rd, when we got to hear our baby's heart beat for the first time. The bigger circle in the middle is NOT the head, like I thought, but the sac. The baby is the oblong part right below that. This was at 7w1d. And yes, there is only one.




Sheri

Welcome!

If you're reading this, then you know that we're pregnant. :) This is Baby Z's blog. Don't really want to call embie "bean" because that's my parents' dog, and don't want to call him/her "peanut" because that was my hamster. I'm not carrying either one of those. :) Plus, we had to be a little different, and Baby Z is cute. :) I've done a bit of writing in here before now to have a record of it, and if you're curious, head down to the bottom and start from there. There aren't too many posts yet. I'll try to keep it pretty updated. :)

Sheri

And we have a heart beat!

I bawled. I totally bawled when I heard that heart beating. 127 beats per minute. I asked the RE if that was good, and she did a happy dance. Totally reminded me of the Snoopy dance. :) Measured right on for 7w1d. So due date is March 8, 2008. I even graduated from the clinic today, and my OB wants to see me on Thursday. I get to start weaning off of my hormones. Best part of that is, only 4 more shots!! Thank goodness. Just call me Lumpy Butt! Okay don't. :)

We are so relieved. I feel I can say that I'm pregnant now. RE said my chance of miscarriage went down to below 5% today. Wow. Now I can start being happier, more excited, and let my guard down a bit. Not a lot, but a bit. :)

I have a couple more pics, I'll get them up soon. Immediate family have all been called tonight. I'm just way too tired to send out emails and stuff tonight. I'll have more energy tomorrow night and be home earlier (we went to Misty's with my parents to tell them). And I'm not getting up at 5:30am tomorrow, plus I'll sleep better tonight! I may be there in half an hour.

Sheri

Poem

I've seen this post before, and someone posted it on the pregnancy after infertility board. I love it.



Thoughts on Becoming a Mother

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.

I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see.

Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.

I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain.

I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.

I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won.

So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.

I listen.

And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes.

I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

Pictures

These are the first two pics I have of Baby Z. The first one is the picture of both embies before they were transferred back to me, in the blastocyst stage. The second, which is harder to see due to the small picture I got, is from when we went and saw the sac, nice and in my uterus.

Tired. :)

I've started getting more tired lately. Good. I've been nauseas the past few days. Good. And BTW, heat is bad for me when it comes to that. :) I like having the symptoms. It gives me hope. I'm scared to death of Monday. I'm hopeful and excited, but I'm also scared to death. I'm afraid that my little one didn't make it. I thought I was nervous and analyzing everything after transfer. This is worse. Knowing I'm pg but that it could end at any moment and I have no idea... it needs to be Monday.

And it begins...

Well, actually, it began a few weeks ago, but I didn't have the courage to write it down until now. And I won't have the courage to give anyone the link to this until after the 23rd, if all goes well. :)

If you're now reading this, you know I'm pregnant. :) Wow that still seems strange to type. But after 5 long, hard years, it's finally happened, and I'll be 6 weeks tomorrow. Last time I was pg, I didn't even make it to week 5, and ended up with a miscarriage. That keeps my fear high, so I'm very cautious. But after all we've been through to get here, I'd be crazy if I wasn't.

So here's what happened. We decided around the beginning of the year to do our FET in June. Tony was out of class for 5 weeks, thanks to our tax refund and what we'd saved we had the funds, and it just felt right. I started my birth control pills in March. In June I did all my hormones (lupron, baby aspirin, estrogen patches, pills, progesterone troches, progesterone suppositories which have been switched to a shot in the butt every night, all of which I'm still on, except the lupron). My dad was very sick and in the hospital for about 3 weeks of this. It's amazing that my body did so well, actually. On June 22nd, I had my FET transfer. We were scared to death that the 2 embies we had frozen wouldn't make it through the thaw, but they did, and the RE even told me they look good, my lining looked good, and she thought we had a good chance. Had a weekend of pseudo bed rest (more bed rest than not), and went on with life. Had my first blood draw on July 2nd, and my hcg was 151. Nurse told me it was perfect. That night, I spotted blood. Called the emergency line, and my RE said it wasn't good. I switched from the suppositories to the PIO (progesterone in oil) shot that night. I had to wait until the 5th for my 2nd draw, due to the holiday, and was nervous. That's where everything went wrong last time. This draw was 366. It wasn't quite as high as they were looking for (it's to double ever 48 hours per them, 48-72 per other docs, so with other docs they may have stopped there). So I was to go back 4 days later for another draw. It should have been over 1000 by then. But on July 9th, it was only 597. My RE called, and told me he wasn't very optimistic. So to go back on the 11th for another draw. Tony and I figured it was another miscarriage. All signs pointed to it. Well, my RE called on the 11th and told me it actually doubled, up to 1188. He said he had guarded optimism, and I was to go in for an ultrasound. They feared (as did I) that it was an ectopic pregnancy, that the embie was in one of my tubes instead of my uterus. After some confusion (the one nurse there I'm not fond of kinda messed things up, but oh well), I ended up back there on Friday the 13th. The RE looked, and thank God, embie was right there, in my uterus. :) We got to see the sac, and once I figure out the scanner at work, that picture, along with the pic of embie before he/she was in me, will be up here. She said she felt 100% better and we made her day! We went and got me a different progesterone shot (hopefully not to give me as much pain and welts), and came back to work and school. Now we wait until the 23rd to go in and pray that we see the heartbeat.

I'm feeling much better after seeing the sac, but we're not telling yet. I really need to see the heartbeat, to know that we at least got that far, before spilling the beans. So hopefully, hopefully we will see that. We have much more reason to be optimistic now, but after all we've been through, I'll be a little guarded the entire time. No way we could go through all of that and not be. Hopefully, soon, embie will become Baby Z and we can announce it to the world. Well, those that care, at least. :)

Sheri